With five threats in about a week on the Eastside — four of which occurred at schools — it may be difficult for parents to know how to speak with their children about what is happening.
When it comes to conversations about such serious events, parents should keep things age appropriate.
Parent educator and teen life coach Sheri Gazitt of Teen Wise in Redmond said parents with elementary-aged children should only share information their children ask for. If there are older siblings in the family, Gazitt said they should have a separate conversation with them, unless the younger siblings are aware of the events.
Liz Ludwig, a co-occurring disorders therapist with Youth Eastside Services, added that parents with younger children should keep their information sharing short and concise, while those with teenagers should be “completely upfront and honest with their children about the situation as teenagers will hear the information elsewhere if not from their parents.”
Ludwig added that discussions about safety, plans and resources should always be included in these conversations, as this often helps lessen fears and anxiety.
REASSURING YOUTH
And while parents should tailor their conversations with their children based on their ages, Gazitt said there are some things they can and should do with their children, regardless of their ages.
First, she said, it is important for parents to stay calm around their children. Even if they are particularly anxious or worried, parents should try to not let their children see that. Gazitt noted that some children may not be worried or affected by what is going on and there is no need to scare them.
“We don’t want to put that emotion on them,” she said.
In addition, Gazitt also advised that parents ask their children how they are, rather than using phrases such as, “You must have been scared,” again, so they do not unnecessarily scare their children.
Ludwig added that parents should first focus on making a safe space for children and teenagers to discuss what they already know or have heard.
“Letting children share about their own thoughts and feelings is always a good place to start,” she said. “Parents should validate and normalize children’s concerns, letting them know that many kids share the same fears and worries around safety at school.”
Ludwig said parents should lead by example and talk about their own thoughts and feelings about what has happened.
“Parents can help students feel safe at school by talking to them about these recent events,” said Lake Washington School District Superintendent Dr. Traci Pierce. “School counselors are available for students to talk to as well.”
NOT A JOKE
Gazitt added that because there have been so many threats in a short amount of time, part of the conversation has shifted. She said parents should discuss with their children about possible copycats and let them know that while these threats are probably nothing, “we as adults are taking care of it.” She said parents should assure their children that adults are doing what they need to do to take care of the issue.
Ludwig agreed, saying parents should communicate their safety concerns but also share information about the people and systems in place to keep kids safe.
Gazitt also stressed how parents should let their kids know that these threats are not jokes and they are not funny. She said youth might like to see school canceled but if something serious happens, the severity of the situation may become watered down and not taken as seriously as it should be because there has been a flurry of potential threats leading up to it.
Pierce agreed, saying it is important to impress on middle and high school students how destructive false threats can be to entire communities and what a serious offense it is to make one.
“While it may seem like a joke to a student or a way to get out of a day of school, it is very scary to students, staff and families,” she said. “Students and staff have to make up the day and the entire situation is highly disruptive to schools and their communities. It takes police away from other responsibilities. There are serious school discipline and legal consequences for such actions.”
REAL-TIME INFORMATION FOR STUDENTS
When it comes to TV news and social media, Ludwig said much of information is designed to create fear and worry. So she encourages parents to limit the exposure as much as possible.
“With older kids this may be tricky,” she acknowledged, “but if you notice your children fixating on media that is talking about disasters, it is important to step in and provide other activities for children.”
While it may be relatively easy for parents to monitor at home how much information their children consume from outside sources such as the TV news, Gazitt said monitoring areas such as social media is another story.
She said when news broke of last week’s threats at Juanita High School (JHS) and Redmond High School (RHS), students shared information among themselves through texts and social media apps such as Snapchat. But because the schools and Lake Washington School District did not share information with students, it was hard for people to discern between fact and fiction and what was happening at which school.
“(Students) were just working themselves up,” Gazitt said.
She said while administrators may not have wanted students to panic, not sharing information had the same result as “kids (were) telling each other” and that information was not always accurate.
Gazitt said there needs to be a way for students to receive real-time information to avoid this — not so much at the elementary level, but definitely at the secondary level, as some middle schoolers and most high schoolers will have access to smartphones and other devices.
BACK TO REALITY
Once a threat has been investigated and a school cleared, some parents and students may still be anxious about returning to school. Gazitt said the decision to keep students at home is a personal one and should be up to parents.
For some people, going back to school may not be a big deal, but for others, there may be something in their past that might be triggered by the idea of a potential threat, she said.
“There’s no right or wrong answer to it,” Gazitt said.
Ludwig said parents should listen and empathize with their child’s fears or anxiety. She also encourages them to keep their kids in school as much as possible, as missing school due to worry only sets up the potential for a pattern of avoidance.
“Once children start missing school regularly due to anxiety, it makes it harder and harder for them to overcome anxiety in the long run,” she said.
If a child is anxious, Gazitt said parents might want to have them stay home and then have a conversation with the child once they do return to class. She said parents should make sure their child feels supported. This could mean carpooling with other families in the neighborhood or driving them to school instead of having them take a bus.
Gazitt also noted that there are resources at school such as a counselor, nurse’s office and teachers who students can reach out to if needed.
Ludwig said parents should have conversations about ways that school can feel safer for their children and make a specific plan for when they are feeling anxious, which includes adults at the school who the child can turn to when feeling unsafe.
Pierce said schools regularly train for emergencies, including practicing what to do in the event of a lockdown.
“We have made safety improvements to schools thanks to capital projects levies, including security cameras in our high schools,” she said. “Thanks to levy funds, all classrooms had improved locks installed last summer to make it easier and faster for teachers to lock classroom doors in the event of a lockdown. We are continually working with the police departments in all our jurisdictions to improve our safety efforts.”
Ludwig added that it is important for children to know how to contact their parents if needed.
“Make sure that your child knows they can contact you at school if they need to,” she said.
If a child is particularly anxious or worried, Ludwig encourages parents to contact the school’s counselor or their child’s teacher so they can create a plan together to make school feel safe again.
“If a child’s anxiety and worry lasts for more than a week or two and the parents notice (it) impacting their child’s engagement in school, family life, eating or sleep, it is time for them to meet with a professional to help the child develop coping skills and plans to help reduce worry and anxiety,” she said.
